I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
