you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
