New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
