Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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