dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
