the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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