Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
