ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
