at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
