i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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