Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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