I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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