where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
