Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
