They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
