If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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