yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
