I wish I only lived at night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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