I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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