I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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