I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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