It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
