man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
