We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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