ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
