I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
