is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
