i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
