When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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