after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
