i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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