goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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