i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
