She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
