a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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