i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
