I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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