So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
