I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
