can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
