I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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