we have pet lesbian snakes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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