so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
