Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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