Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
