I cannot find my penis.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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