I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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