if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
