All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
