I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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