In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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