Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
