Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
