I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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